Signs

My friend and running partner, Peaches, is a great girl.  In any situation, she has my back.  She will listen to my problems, nodding wisely and always agreeing.  If I were in a barroom brawl, she would first hold my earrings and take my plate of nachos.  After eating them (the nachos, not the earrings), she would join right in the fight.  We talk about a lot of things that make us shake our heads during our runs and she has a saying that sums up a lot of situations, “people, they’re the worst!”.

People are the worst many times, but, dang it, they’re entertaining.  My daughter Cricket gets a big kick out of signs.  She takes pictures of some that she knows will one day be included in her great coffee table best seller.  (We already have our outfits picked out to wear on the Today Show.)  The sign that started it all for us was near our lake place at the Baptist church.  Imagine the conversation with the kids on the way home Easter Sunday after reading “The Easter Bunny Did Not Rise From the Grave!”.  Now, that’s a real egg hunt downer.

Some churches are getting into the groove by trying to be hip.  Picturing Jesus with a Facebook kinda seems wrong to me, but I don’t know…

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Some are just taking it too far and it’s downright creepy!  Recently, we’ve seen the church around the corner from us ask “Have You Had Your Heart Checked By Dr. Jesus?” and the even more disturbing “Sin, Drop It Like It’s HOT!”.  These bother me.  And, worst of all, what about these two?  WTH???

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Cricket sent me a picture of this sign, which sums up the thinking of my friend, The Trophy Wife, and me at our local package store.  Several times, we’ve laughed so hard we’ve had to put our heads down on the counter while Mr. Wong, who just doesn’t get it, patiently waits while we go through the visual in our heads.  We have certainly entertained others waiting in line with our long and laughter interrupted explanation of what we think might have been tried in the past.  Mr. Wong refuses to join in our mirth by either confirming or denying what has been tried.  The sign simiply says “Finger Use Only” on the pen pad.  Well, WHAT, exactly has been tried that caused this?  Because of our enhanced senses of humor and our immaturity this has been causing us to laugh for three years.  But maybe that’s just us…

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Our whole family enjoys a misspelling.  For years, we’ve frequented the corner store near us that sells “bisquites and cantalopes”.  This has caused a permanent pronunciation issue with all of us.  Spelling is important. I am sure this church was confused about the meaning of this sermon!

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From what I read in the papers and hear on the news, human nature is mostly rotten.  People are, oftentimes, the worst.  Still, there’s that crazy bit of humanity that causes some man to roll over and wake his wife saying “honey, I got an idear” and the next day Jesus, Santa and a gnome are installed in the plastic Playschool playhouse in the front yard, strung with Christmas lights as the nativity scene, and that, folks, is what gives me hope.

2 thoughts on “Signs

  1. I think there is a book out iwth funny church sayings–and I almost bought a huge blow mold anta at the Goodwill the other day for 4 bucks. Damn I wish I had-would really rile my HOA! LOVE THIS

  2. Years ago we say my favorite church sign in a small town en route to Savannah to visit Ashley. it read, ‘REPENT OR BURN” —- nothing quite says “welcome to our church” like a sign like this!!!

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